but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
