she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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