we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
