my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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