Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
