Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
