im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
