is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
