People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
