your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
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just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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