dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
