I want to have your abortion
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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