Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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