Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
