thus making me awesome and them whores
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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