Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize