I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
