dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
3 2 1 whiskey
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize