Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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