My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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