it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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