Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
