ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
