Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
