I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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