i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
