I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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