i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
