he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
