help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
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some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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