You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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