I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
