I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
