dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
