Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
