one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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