the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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