either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
