my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
