just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
