Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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