Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
