i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
