I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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