actually, I'm a sock model
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
