she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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