if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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