I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
