If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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