He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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