i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Randomize
