So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
