He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
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Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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