you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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