i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
God, you're like boner-b-gone
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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