phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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