She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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