My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
What drink are we having for lunch?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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