I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
