You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
