yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
