i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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