Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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