I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
