I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
