Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Randomize
