Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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