Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize