I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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