So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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