I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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